Whatever Next is always willing to listen to the problems of fictional characters, because believe you me, you don't want to hear ours!

Count Me Out!
Being an evil character isn't all it's cracked up to be!
Death Becomes Her
Family expectations clash with a young woman's dream job.
Thanks For Noticing
Doom, despair and litigation.

Since Thursday's cousin Eddie - er uh, Hamlet- figures so prominently in Something Rotten, this month's author, Jon Brierley, thought it would be great fun to do a couple of parodies featuring the poor guy's play and his infamous soliloquy.

    - Hamlet Schmamlet! -

Bertie Wooster's ad-lib:
Even Jeeves can't help this aristocratic ditherer!
As written by Samuel Beckett
Waiting for an answer that will never come.

Hilarious song parodies submitted by the ffans - featuring our favorite Nextian characters.

Friday's Mom as sung by Bowden Cable
- To the tune of Stacy's Mom by Fountains of Wayne

A Quick Limerick
by Dave Graham

In the fforum, in Nextian Chat
It's where all the cool people
are at.
We talk about stuff -
Trousers and fluff;
And cake, we get lots of that!

Something Rotten on Fire!
WALES-
The UK hardback edition of Something Rotten is selling 50% more books than The Well of Lost Plots over the same time period after its release. Something Rotten is also now in its third printing- a mere three weeks after going on sale, according to an email from the man, himself. All three backlisted books are still flying off the shelves. Way to go, Jasper!

Inaugural Fforde Ffan Convention a GO
WILTSHIRE-
Planners are busy at work organizing the very first official Fforde Ffan Convention to be held sometime during the summer of 2005. The hopes are to have it somewhere near Swindon. And Jasper has confirmed that he will, indeed, be attending as the honored key speaker. More details will be posted as they are available.

SpecOps Officials Deny Covert Anti-American Movement
WASHINGTON-
Sources close to FBI have confirmed the existence of a top secret document purportedly from the British government entity known as SpecOps. This damning document shows evidence of anti-American activites being carried out by several departments within the wide scope of the agency.

Jasper Fforde Ffan Club Site Renovated
INTERNET-
We're pleased to announce that the Jasper Fforde Ffan Club site is now more than just a newsletter. It is a full-featured community with biographies, audio and video interviews, contests, a chat room, message board and much more. Stop by and check it out.

Canadian Tour Begins
CANADA-
With very successful tour stops in the UK, US and Australia under his belt, Jasper flies the friendly skies to the Great White North in support of Something Rotten. Beginning October 22nd, the Canadian dates will include Montreal and Ottowa along with a special two-day appearance at the Toronto Harbourfront Festival.

Jasper Interviewed on The Book Show
UNITED KINGDOM-
Jasper was the featured author on the October 6th episode of the popular BBC4 programme, The Book Show. The interview took place during a croquet match, of all things. The JFFC is in negotiations with the production company for permission to post video online. Watch this space!

WANTED: Petite, drk haired F for CharExchProg. Must have 18" waist and look good in drapery fabric. Southern accent a plus! Contact: Miss Scarlett c/o Tara - Gone With the Wind.

LOST near the Magic Roundabout: Chimera - porcupine/skunk mix. Approach with care. Answers to "Cuddles" £100 reward. Call Dr. Moreau at Finis Hotel.

Position Desired: V. loyal Housekeeper w/ vast experience in large manor house. Excellent references. Contact Mrs. Danvers c/o Manderley. No nosy wives please.

FOR SALE: 2 tickets to Richard III at Swindon Ritz for next Fri. Hubby eradicated. Tickets must go! £39obo - T. Next - 01793 729246

FOR SALE: Unlabeled home cloning kit- possibly dodo. Contents complete except label on can. English/Welsh manual included. £95 obo Call Pete & Dave's Dodo Emporium - Swindon 6253

Please help us defray a little bit of the cost of running this website and make it possible to have more fun things for the ffans.

We're not asking for much. In fact, we request that no one donates more than $20 a year. First of all, we don't need that much and secondly, paperwork is a pain! So please give whatever you can spare. Thanks!

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